the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
