Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
that's an acceptable place to lick
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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