we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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