i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
