Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
