From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
