i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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