I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
