he thought i was a dude.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize