New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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