just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
