im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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