Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
