I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Shame - the story of my life.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
