why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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