And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
