I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
