One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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