Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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