and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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