Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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