and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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