I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
