To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize