i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
