Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
