The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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