You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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