So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
