when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
