I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
