That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
