a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
