is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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