Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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