I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
