that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
