You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
