I think I died a long time ago.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
