I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
MIDGETS
????
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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