Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
