Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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