Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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