Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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