I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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