The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
