I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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