I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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