She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize