I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
