his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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