This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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