i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
