i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
