You just made me feel so damn special
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
