final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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