i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
