Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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