I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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