dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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