i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
