oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
