my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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