I want to make a zoo with you.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
