i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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