What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize