you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
