small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
